no compromise

God wants our joy and our happiness.
Our joy and our happiness.
He wants what is best for us, now and in the long run.
I always assume that what He is doing is best for us, but only eventually.
Well what about right now? He cares about right now just as much as he cares about every portion of our lives.

This doesn't mean we're always going to be happy and content. But it does mean that He doesn't want us to be confused. He wants us to be at peace in Him and content in where He has us. We aren't forbidden from having questions, from finding things difficult, from expressing our displeasure and confusion when we experience it. But we don't constantly have to be in a state of confusion and displeasure.

What God wants for us is what we need. It isn't an inconvenience. If we don't want it, why is that? Is it because we're living too much like the world and not seeking after God's own heart?

I have been content to be wandering. I want things to be different, even though I still, to a point, follow God's desires.

But no that's not right.
Just because I'm not technically dating the guy doesn't mean that I wasn't basically yoking myself to him. I am emotionally, physically, spiritually attached to him. That isn't safe, that isn't healthy. That isn't God seeking.
God used me to be a light to him, and that's wonderful.
But I can't keep this up.
I know myself. I know my heart. I know the strengths and weaknesses of my morals. I know that this has already gone too far. God can use someone else to win this kid over. As terrified as I am about "breaking up" with him and having him hate me, it isn't my responsibility. God used me to plant a seed. Now he needs someone who can help it to grow, without compromising themselves in the process.

I don't regret anything. But if this keeps going, I probably will.

Jamie out.